Sitting here at work at 2:45am reading a couple of folks blogs, and ran across one that talked about their father being in their life. So i just pondered that thought for a moment! My dad was in my life, but he wasn't, when i say that i mean he was known, i knew who he was, what he looked like, what car he drove, but never actually had that daddy/daughter bond. Now in my 30's im just wondering to myself, what makes a man a father or a real dad. My mother never put him on child support so that wasn't it, she never asked of anything, i guess she figured because she had a good dad that mine would do the same, but never happened. Funny thing is it took my mother passing away a couple of months ago, for him to want to be a parent, and for me to care!!! And at times before her passing i knew i had grudges against him, and i would try to fight them but i couldn't....HURT would probably sum it up, and not understanding why produce all these kids, just to leave them, but my mother would always say "Don't let the sins of your father be the reason that God never forgives you"...meaning i need to learn to forgive and move on so that i can be forgiven for anything that i have, or will ever do! What a smart woman!!! Although i used to be HOT with her for loving a ungrateful person....Seemed like no matter what he did, she would just take him back, and seeing all that growing up just made me realize, i cannot just give all of me, and never get anything in return. But that's neither here nor there....LOL....im only laughing because i realized that God's timing is nothing like mine! He has his own plan. Now granted his slate isn't completely clean with me, but i'm working on it, because i had to face the facts no one is perfect, and although i regret....let me take that back i don't regret him not being there because it has allowed me to be who i am today...but part of my soul wished he could have just been a real father, he didn't realize how easy he had it...all i needed was a positive example, and i guess he knew that he couldn't do it, so he just couldn't be around...FUNNY and now i find myself calling and checking on him....why i guess because in reality i'm still his child....So i guess God's love will change your heart, mind, and spirit, and allow you to be who you need to be in this life, no matter what your past circumstances are.......LEARNING TO FORGIVE AND MOVE ON!!!!
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